Daily Musings…

A very long break. Few weeks now I have been having so many dwindling thoughts which all happened to be in completed write ups for posts. So many pre occupations, there was no killing deliberation for me to pick them all and finish it off. My little one mercifully granted me my personal time for a few hours, thanks to my hubby, they are now off for a drive!..

 There was one write up which I wanted to do it at any cost, i started it off on the ‘Father’s day’, wanted to say a few words for my dear father for all that he did for us and gave all that he could. A short note on memoirs of time’s we shared and felt great..

 Dear Dad, this is for you..

1. I love the bright smile that you carried along and brought the same with whom ever you caught up for a chat.
2. Love the way you made the ambience jubilant with little cracks..
3. You were strict or I thought so, until I comprehended your lenience stepping in to college. Also that had been a blessing concealed to teach me my values what I pursue now.
4. I am grateful to you for passing on your ‘Strength of mind’ and ‘Strength of will’ which has made me stand strong in tough times.
5. I still remember the ‘apple cake’ and ‘kutti samosa’ which you brought us every week end. They don’t taste the same as it used to be like then, coz it is missing your love..
6. I still pine for the thrill and enjoyment we had in festival purchases and dinner outside home.
7. I wish to see that care in ensuring that I am given a princess treatment, oh I still remember the day when I had ventured to buy milk from the booth all by myself and the taunt that mummy got for allowing that, I understand now that you did not want me to take pains in doing those chores, but had thought as a control then and chided.
8. I loved your down to earth attitude in sharing all the house hold errands from mom and your attitude to do them to perfection shines in me as well…
9. I loved your morning Tea’s when you got up early and made them for all of us on most of the Sundays!!! The taste still lingers..
10. I loved your persistence in showing your nurturing by riding us both in your cycle to our school until we got our cycles..
11. I loved to see your face brimming with pride when the school teachers commended us on our performance. It was of course my driving force
12. I revere your trust on us, I never informed about my outing to movies or shopping with friends when I was in college.
13. I loved your acceptance for things when it involved some one’s efforts..
14. Oh you were a great photographer, had a great collection of Music cassettes, treasured things even if it was so nitty gritty..
15. I loved those discussions when we prepared the songs list for recording and sat together to listen to them all when we got it recorded. I don’t have that companion ship now…

The list just goes. This is not an ode of remembrance but a note of thankfulness for all that I have got from you. Thank you dad…

Our home had suddenly taken a pepped routine this week with guests filling in the adobe. My aunt, niece and mom had come home from my home town and the little one was so very exited that she did not want to go to her school, though it being the last day in this term for her; calling for a party time at school..no wondrous cajoling could make me pull up her to school, left with no choice I had send an apologetic note to her teacher that she will not be available in the party, I just juggled to my work place.

 I was actually palpitating, the little one is going to be at home for a week and I have to re work all my schedules as the day care routines have now been handed over to me!!! It is not some thing new that is a cause of worry, but I had been enjoying some time now being spared from these chores and reviving them is just making me drag a slow pace.

 If only I can have the people at home share a few of these so that I can put my feet up for a while, but my little one out of in arduous love for her mom will not allow any one else do them for her!!!

 Oops I am getting strayed from what i wanted to share. It was actually a 3 day trip alone for my Aunt and Niece though my mom is going to be here for some time tied up with the little one. But i should say admitting that 3 days were tire some for them. Having been used to moving around in a vast space and neighbors swarming in and out at my home town unlike the very silent 2BHK flat here had made them feel out of place!! It was not lamented but I sighted their helplessness in getting accustomed with this new ambience, both of our busy schedules adding to the fuel.

 I managed to take them out for a shopping binge in the legendry Ranganathan street on Saturday. I wanted them to try out Acendas a booming food court that brings all diverged cuisines together under one roof.  It should be something special from the usual dinner at home, I thought so, alas they just wanted plain Dosa amidst the wide spread food array!!!

 The get together was so silent if not for the rattling of my little one’s chat. She was at ease of her own, having been used to the place and in her own way finding amusement. But that was not the same with my guests. They did not enjoy much!!

 The next day sticking to the every day routine though I made idlis with a simple chutney for break fast, it was relished so well, with the entire family sitting around and having it with a hearty chat. Every body seemed to enjoy, my daughter was making her contribution with mess ups, idlies on floor..but the very sight was cheerful. A strong coffee there after made it even more eventful.

 At times the choices that we think will elate others often puts us in tight corners. Thinking out of the blue, i thought that I was taking them to a great place for dinner and making it a memorable trip while I was actually putting them in discomfort.  And I learnt that great places do not guarantee enjoyment for all!!.

As we evolved, there were numerous changes from an uncivilized version to what we are now. All for the better…but as we move along the wheel of life, there are so many quality changes, which move us away from our values. Out of the blue we remember it one day ‘Oh I have not been doing this now!!!’. One such thing I remembered or rather realized recently was that I had forgotten the ‘Art of gifting’.

I had ensured that I made people, my dear ones feel special by gifting them small things what ever I can. I always had the thought that happiness gives self contentment to see others being happy because of you..i would not wait for occasions to gift some one formally..i ascertained that the loved ones are kept posted and assured that immaterial of the distance they are reached with a ‘kutty’ gift which will mark a difference in great ways and you could vividly envision the smile that is guaranteed on their face.

I would just not send a well packed gift, it always had my personal touch, and that I believe made it even more cherished. Special notes on what they have done was a kind of appreciation and acknowledgement that bring waves in otherwise the ripple free routine..

In a way it also boomed by creativity to show versatility in adding those ‘personal touches’. Now to quote it is almost 3 years since I have done a memorable gifting. Lack of time or lack of interest what so ever, I have lost one of my constructive values!. Also the lack of reciprocation had not fueled me to keep going and doing so to say. My focus had shifted and the hectic pace of life had infact drudged me down from portraying such graceful ethics.

I have decided to continue and resume on so called one of my lost habits, where I can rejoice seeing smiles when my ‘present’ clings on their hands. Gifts are not just one of the ways of expressing love, but one of the best hookers of keeping relationships in tight bonds.

Who will not jump up to see a well wrapped gift, full of surprises? It does not really matter how precious are valuable is the souvenir inside. I have even send shirts / chocolates to my brother as gift, but they were never sent as a normal courier, a loving note was never missed, and that covered up for how little or regular the gift was. I do repeat the gifts, but some how I marked them to stand out every time it was sent.

I would say that more than the reward, gift is love embraced with pretty dressing send to reach hearts, and that’s why they bring smiles. I just get touched even now when there is a B’day greet through email from my good old friend, god she remembers me!!!!

I am all geared up to resume in to action. To pull out time and do this. Love is ‘GIVING’ and giving Gifts is one of the remarkable and easiest genres of expression.

 I must say it was one of the exciting competitions that were announced for the staff. There was a communiqué to send in write ups to support the subject line topic, and as I said earlier the exhilaration immediately put me to thoughts to start the write up, I just had a glance on the complete note on what was expected from this and I impeded from writing further.

 The announcement by itself was quite controversial in quoting 2 things. The first part talked about partners equal contribution, learning to adopt to changes etc while the second part said that award was for the best supportive spouse and examples were baby sitting, helping the kid in studies.

 I believe all spouses I mean husbands will receive the award if it is merely baby sitting as most of them are bound to do that role now. I just stopped the write up and wanted to convince myself what exactly I infer from the topic so that I can correlate if my hubby dear is doing that, more to my satisfaction than near to perfection.

 Most successful working couples are those who are able to balance work and life pretty smoothly without either of them being over loaded or exhausted, the last note is the key word to be annotated.

 Baby sitting / sharing house hold work could be just one aspect in the whole dimension, and I am sure it has some thing more than just said above. How many women could just continue doing what ever they did before marriage and after marriage? Be it just a simple chore of book reading or enjoying music. I am not talking feminism by saying that most men mange to get things continued, but so to say the statement stands accepted by majority.

 The existing societal background should be censured as men from boys grow with such things already rooted deep inside them. I am saying so because for once such incident where I have seen 2 of them reacting differently. I am saying this to highlight the erroneous values which most of us imbibe. I remember once bringing in a bucket full of water to assist in getting the water pump run when my neighbor just offered to carry that bucket, so pleasing and respectable etiquette I must say. I have seen the same in my brother. I would refrain from detailing the other incident where it was said that carrying pots is below their dignity by another person!!!!!

 Most men are now tamed, I say so, and because these traits just get absorbed without any values add. In such cases the definition for helping hand will vary to extremes between these 2 sects of people. While for the first category of men small chores which we would like to share will all be taken up voluntarily and with concern. But with the second category of men, the nails just break trying to strike the chord!!!

 But then again we just could not prove the second sect to be disobliging spouses. So it matters a lot where actually we draw the line. Am I going out of tract deviating too beyond the topic???

 I am assured myself that it is a small mass which the stone that I have set rolling will gather. To me what it means as a supportive spouse is one who is there to take up charge when you just want; you spell it out or not. A person who discovers your unnoticed, un known talents and inspires them to be brought to light, give moving space for your acts, makes room for your personal time and is there to listen and just listen when you want emotional reassurance and more and more…..i could pen down so many to etch that perfect spouse figure..

 With all that in place, things set right automatically and both move parallel in ladder. There are some golden rules which spot a supportive spouse (it’s me giving these rules, it is very much debatable with varied perceptions I am sure hubby dear will!!).

1. Ascertain the load that your spouse takes up in the same window excluding sleep. And there you know where you can pitch in!!!!!

2. See if your spouse has a big Colgate / close up smile at least once a day because of you

3. Ensure that your spouse’s flair for some unnoticed ability or distinguishing endowments come to the lime light.

4. Understand, appreciate and admire

5. MAKE THEM FEEL SPECIAL.

 In most case all the above would have been realized but not expressed. And that’s where the cart stops or moves slowly or distorted.

 So now the final note or for what you all had read eagerly, does my hubby dear wins of that title???? I must say he will win, with a 0.5 percentile refinements in comprehending what I expect as detailed above and at the moment he has passed with distinction, but yet to get those flying colors!!!!!!!!

 How are your hubby’s scoring on this??

I just read today that the 3 most difficult words to say are I Love you, I am sorry and help me. I strongly agree on the first 2 (you will know as to why once you compete reading this), have not had the strokes of experience on the third one. The reason I picked this up for today’s blogging is not too great, neither did I bump in to one such occurrence. I was just searching my archives for a document and the file name ‘Do you know’ just stopped me to pick that and see. I had just saved this phrase as a document some time in 2007 when I wouldn’t even have known of these implications. Could not recollect as well, why I had saved that. But I just wondered, is it really difficult to say these words???

 Most of the mails that I communicate with customers will have a regular note saying ‘Apologies for the delay’, ‘Apologies could not revert at the earliest’ etc etc..i had never has the slightest repentation when I write these words. Hubby dear is ever ready with a ‘Sorry’ to cool me in, when ever we dispute and argue hard; in either cases be it his fault or not, my little one has also recently started to say ‘I am sorry’ when ever she wants to escape my rebukes.

 So where does this exactly come in to play or what makes these phrases so meaningful? When do we find it difficult to spell these out and to whom..i got excited now, I was so curious to find it out, just dropped a note to hubby dear to understand if he could re collect as to how many times I have told him ‘I Love you’, matter of fact I could not recollect myself, forbid my very poor memory. I thought why not give a try saying him ‘I Love you’. Believe me, I feel so reluctant. I say this at least 2 times to my daughter every day..but why not to my better half? But I can write lovely letters and send cards where in I can write this so many times…oops what is that holding me back? Ego?  Shy? I could vividly remember my childhood days when I had hesitated to say a Sorry to my Dad when ever I had blundered. That was absolutely and on no doubts because of my ego..so for the second phrase I could correlate ego and hesitation.

 Trying to fit in the first phrase as well on the same lines, could I infer that I am egoistic with just my better half in expressing love? Not really. I am pretty sure and could assure on a very high percentile that I am never and had never been egoistic with him. (Vice versa had never been true). So decided to check with him as well on the acknowledgment. Where is the friction..after giving a intense thought I just found the blunt and ackward truth it is nothing but EGO, which unknowingly had over ruled me. It still keeps popping up, and should learn the art of let going it…

 Many a times and so say most of the while we just hold us back from expressing Love, feelings which when communicated could just make up some one’s day, make them feel happier, feel appreciated especially or dear and near. But very arduous to come out of that…let me start tying it out. Making the loved one’s feel special is after all not very difficult rather very significant having given this quite busy life what we have opted for..

 If you all have a different view on the same or have more to add on this do let me know..