Archive for January, 2010

{ January 27, 2010 @ 12:25 pm } · { Shivani's diary }
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2 little Nemo’s at my home

 My li’l one has a great fascination for fishes ever since she started to get familiar with the ‘Animal Kingdom’ – getting to know about creatures, and fishes available right at her hand reach (yes we have quite a big family in the water stagnation around the low lying surroundings of our home) seemed to get all her attention. She starts her day seeing them, I mean her brushing can happen only after saying a ‘Gud Morning’ to these little ones. She has her food besides them where almost half from her plate will fill their tummy,, finishes off her dinner along with them..she cribs when there are no fishes to take the food that she drops, yells and enjoys seeing them play around..my days are really tough giving her food when I cannot figure these tiny pets of hers, especially when it is noisy (they just hide them selves perceiving sounds). I had put the proposal of getting a fish pond to appreciate my daughter fondness, without showing off my inner aspirations as well, may be by seeing them for long along with my daughter I had also taken a liking for them. But hubby dear always brushed that aside quoting maintenance as an excuse.

Shivani's Nemos

 

Yesterday was the D’ day when we finally managed to make him consent for the Deal which he couldn’t renounce. But he had his condition’s in it being a small one and not too big.

 My daughter picked up 2 little golden fishes from the aquarium and they in a small round bowl started to adore the corner table since yesterday..but the repercussion’s just make me think over, how long will this pond stay???

 Shivani finds her seat just beside the pond and keeps talking to her new pets..quite interesting to see, but the problem is, she is so worried about their diet and food that every few minutes she wants to put the fish food inside, a strong taunt that it should not be done and as I went in to kitchen I could hear her still talking and back in the living room , was this shock waiting for me…all the white rice from her plate has gone inside the pond!!! Cleaning them up, I tried convincing her of the fact that Fishes cannot eat much and they are going to sleep and managed to take her to bed. And today afternoon was even worser, she was ready with her fish trap (Toy) which we had once got her seeing her enticement on fishes, all set to catch the little ones inside the pond!!!, God she tested my time and endurance today to switch her focus….

 Just wondering if the little Nemos’ are going to have a tough time ahead….

The 3 most difficult words to say..

{ January 22, 2010 @ 11:53 am } · { Relationships }
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I just read today that the 3 most difficult words to say are I Love you, I am sorry and help me. I strongly agree on the first 2 (you will know as to why once you compete reading this), have not had the strokes of experience on the third one. The reason I picked this up for today’s blogging is not too great, neither did I bump in to one such occurrence. I was just searching my archives for a document and the file name ‘Do you know’ just stopped me to pick that and see. I had just saved this phrase as a document some time in 2007 when I wouldn’t even have known of these implications. Could not recollect as well, why I had saved that. But I just wondered, is it really difficult to say these words???

 Most of the mails that I communicate with customers will have a regular note saying ‘Apologies for the delay’, ‘Apologies could not revert at the earliest’ etc etc..i had never has the slightest repentation when I write these words. Hubby dear is ever ready with a ‘Sorry’ to cool me in, when ever we dispute and argue hard; in either cases be it his fault or not, my little one has also recently started to say ‘I am sorry’ when ever she wants to escape my rebukes.

 So where does this exactly come in to play or what makes these phrases so meaningful? When do we find it difficult to spell these out and to whom..i got excited now, I was so curious to find it out, just dropped a note to hubby dear to understand if he could re collect as to how many times I have told him ‘I Love you’, matter of fact I could not recollect myself, forbid my very poor memory. I thought why not give a try saying him ‘I Love you’. Believe me, I feel so reluctant. I say this at least 2 times to my daughter every day..but why not to my better half? But I can write lovely letters and send cards where in I can write this so many times…oops what is that holding me back? Ego?  Shy? I could vividly remember my childhood days when I had hesitated to say a Sorry to my Dad when ever I had blundered. That was absolutely and on no doubts because of my ego..so for the second phrase I could correlate ego and hesitation.

 Trying to fit in the first phrase as well on the same lines, could I infer that I am egoistic with just my better half in expressing love? Not really. I am pretty sure and could assure on a very high percentile that I am never and had never been egoistic with him. (Vice versa had never been true). So decided to check with him as well on the acknowledgment. Where is the friction..after giving a intense thought I just found the blunt and ackward truth it is nothing but EGO, which unknowingly had over ruled me. It still keeps popping up, and should learn the art of let going it…

 Many a times and so say most of the while we just hold us back from expressing Love, feelings which when communicated could just make up some one’s day, make them feel happier, feel appreciated especially or dear and near. But very arduous to come out of that…let me start tying it out. Making the loved one’s feel special is after all not very difficult rather very significant having given this quite busy life what we have opted for..

 If you all have a different view on the same or have more to add on this do let me know..

Goals..

{ January 12, 2010 @ 6:58 am } · { Uncategorized }
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 For the past 3 years or so there has been no goal setting or targets planned by me; be it personal or professional. I was too engrossed in mother hood and my little one had only been my only world that I had not bothered or rather averted my development.

 Any ‘First time’ always gives you the experience to get grip on things. Now I contemplate I could have done like this, like that etc but when we are actually in the ground our mind runs out of every thing especially when heart rules the sense!. I was too keen in ensuring that my little one gets all the comfort needed and was pledging to give my mother’s role an upper hand on my career. I had not excelled in my deliverables at work and that was a fact knowingly accepted.

 In a very recent conversation with my manger in engagement review, it was cited and questioned, how long do you wish to give your personal commitment (the kid) more priority, I had to say that I was actually aware of this conscious decision indeed, to deliver only what was expected and not stretching out. He was one of my managers whom I admire a lot for being very near to perfect. Very intellectual and dedicated. He also raised his concern saying that I am not capitalizing my potential optimally. Very true, my inner passion that used to drive me to do things differently is not burning at all now a day, or rather I am sticking on to a comfort zone. There had been no vision, no plans at least charted out; day in and day out I am just making by productivity a very mundane routine on the much expected lines.

 Getting back once my kid has a regular schedule, has been a very comfy excuse that I had given myself. I had attended a PEP program in the year end and was so motivated to apply all that I had learnt there, but again it dwindled in just thoughts!!. So my first new year goal is to work on the perfect Work – Life Balance and bring back the zest in my personal and professional development, will get back sooner once I am done with the outlines, or rather had edged out what I should actually be doing for getting this materialized.

My First Note!

{ January 7, 2010 @ 10:05 am } · { Uncategorized }
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Blogging – This was not something that I had dreamed of doing for a very long time. But off late I had been stepping on quite a few blogs once I wanted to look out for recipes or interior ideas and the deliberation of  having a blog just to share a few thoughts had made me create one and start off!!!. My blog may not be subject specific and that’s why I had put up the name ‘Musings’, so to say day-to-day reflections. I am not too sure if I can pull out time for frequent blogging but I am hoping to do so, every week religiously.

Writing had been a passion in my school day’s and there were time’s when I had wanted to become a journalist, too far from what I am doing currently. So I feel blogging will give me the opportunity of reviving those hidden passions and pen down every little note to be shared and enjoyed with people who vibe with same frequency as mine..and my stepping stone for free lancing.